There are times in my life when I feel like I’m losing my mind and that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Okay, there are lot of times in my life that I feel this way. Sometimes I feel this way when the day before I was completely sure of where I was headed and what I wanted to accomplish.
Today is one of those days. It is pouring down rain outside. I’ve spent a crazy week trying to get the paperwork together for the visa for my next move, figure out the logistics of the steps for my move, do my current job which is fortunately not too terribly stressful, and not completely freak out about moving in less than seven weeks.
I’ve been trying to relax today, but a part of me is so excited and another part is trying not to fall apart in panic. This is me: two conflicting sides. This is my life and what I do to myself. I think part of it is that I’m alone. I do all of this alone. And I never stick with any one thing so I’m constantly learning new things, changing things, and complicating my life. I exhaust myself sometimes.
I don’t know if this sounds like I’m bragging or if I’m having a pity party, but it’s neither. It’s just who I am. It’s not better or worse than others. It’s simply the way my moods swing and my brain works and it’s how I’ve chosen to live my life. I don’t regret anything except that life is probably not long enough for me to do everything I want to do, but I’m okay with that as well. I plan on plowing ahead until I can’t or don’t want to anymore. Then I’ll stop and settle and be grateful I did as much as I did.
But there are moments like now when I want to bury myself under the covers and never leave. However, I know that’s not an option and that, when I finally come out from under the covers, the option I will wish for is the one that takes all the work. So I may as well do it and finish the hard stuff as soon as possible so I can get on with enjoying the good stuff.
Isn’t that just the way?
There’s no easy path to get the life you want.