The Hard Stuff

There are times in my life when I feel like I’m losing my mind and that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Okay, there are lot of times in my life that I feel this way. Sometimes I feel this way when the day before I was completely sure of where I was headed and what I wanted to accomplish.

Today is one of those days. It is pouring down rain outside. I’ve spent a crazy week trying to get the paperwork together for the visa for my next move, figure out the logistics of the steps for my move, do my current job which is fortunately not too terribly stressful, and not completely freak out about moving in less than seven weeks.

I’ve been trying to relax today, but a part of me is so excited and another part is trying not to fall apart in panic. This is me: two conflicting sides. This is my life and what I do to myself. I think part of it is that I’m alone. I do all of this alone. And I never stick with any one thing so I’m constantly learning new things, changing things, and complicating my life. I exhaust myself sometimes.

I don’t know if this sounds like I’m bragging or if I’m having a pity party, but it’s neither. It’s just who I am. It’s not better or worse than others. It’s simply the way my moods swing and my brain works and it’s how I’ve chosen to live my life. I don’t regret anything except that life is probably not long enough for me to do everything I want to do, but I’m okay with that as well. I plan on plowing ahead until I can’t or don’t want to anymore. Then I’ll stop and settle and be grateful I did as much as I did.

But there are moments like now when I want to bury myself under the covers and never leave. However, I know that’s not an option and that, when I finally come out from under the covers, the option I will wish for is the one that takes all the work. So I may as well do it and finish the hard stuff as soon as possible so I can get on with enjoying the good stuff.

Isn’t that just the way?

There’s no easy path to get the life you want.

Learning Mandarin

Learning Mandarin Chinese is hard. I’ve read it. I’ve heard it. I’ve experienced it.

Learning another language is always difficult, but Mandarin takes it to a whole new level. For one thing, the characters look different. They sound different. Then throw in tones, and it’s on, baby. The same word can have different meanings depending on how you pronounce it – and some of the sounds are nothing like the sounds we use in English!

Needless to say, I’ve lived in Taiwan for two years where the primary language is Mandarin Chinese, and I’ve barely gotten past a few words and phrases. The only thing I consistently order in Chinese is coffee. The rest I point and motion to explain what I need.

I’ve been lucky living here in Taiwan because enough people speak English or, at least, have enough English skills to help me that I haven’t had to learn Mandarin. I’ve tried. I’ve half-heartedly tried. When it started making me feel stupid, I quit. Then I would try again a few months later and so on.

I haven’t made much progress.

However, I got a job in China.

Yes! I got a job!

And it’s in Shenzhen, China.

From what I’ve read about China, English is not as readily spoken. So I’ve started trying to learn Mandarin. Again.

It’s still hard. But this time I’m more motivated because I have a feeling I’m going to need it. I feel like I’m picking it up faster than before because of my past sporadic studying. It’s somewhat familiar. I’m trying to study at least once a day.

After my lesson today, I was feeling really good about it.

Until I went to a restaurant I go to a lot and tried to order my usual salad in a different way. *sigh* I had no idea how to explain it in Chinese and resorted to lots of pointing and hand gestures until the owner figured it out. I immediately felt like a failure.

But this is what learning something new is like. The progress is slow. And you may feel stupid at times. But you can’t quit. If you quit, you definitely won’t learn it, but, if you keep trying, you will eventually get better.

I mean, how else will you spend your time? If the choice is between watching television and learning something new, pick the learning something new option. Ask yourself: at the end of the day, which one is going to be more memorable, not to mention more useful and, quite frankly, more interesting?

So what skill have you been putting off learning?

Maybe now is a good time to start.

Job Hunting and Dating

Job hunting is like dating – and I hate both. I haven’t written in what feels like forever because I’ve been busy looking for a job for the coming up school year. I’ve interviewed with five schools, trying to find the right fit and what I discovered is that I feel like I’m dating.

There’s the search for a good fit. You want to be open-minded, though, because it may be different once you speak to someone about everything you see so you decide it’s worth a shot.

You send them an email to let them know you’re interested and attach your resume to give them a chance to review your qualifications and decide if they want to give you a chance as well.

You wait by the phone and check your email every five minutes hoping for a response.

Then they contact you! You get excited then nervous and wonder if you really want it badly enough. But now you’re stuck so you get ready for the interview.

You get dressed up, butterflies in the stomach, hoping it’s a good match.

You arrive early for the interview, not too early because you don’t want to look desperate, but you feel a little desperate because you want it so badly or you think you do or you at least want them to like you and want you on their team.

Then the interview. You’re nervous at first then you relax as you start talking and get a sense of the interviewer and the job.

Then it’s over and, once again, you’re waiting by the phone and checking email to see if you get another chance to impress.

They reach out and you have to decide: Is this the one? Do I continue or move on to the next one? Is it fair to go for a second interview if I’m not sure I want it? Is it fair when I know I have a second interview with a job I’d rather have?

It’s exhausting.

For now, I hope the job hunt is over and I’ve found The One (for the next two years anyway).  I’m waiting on a contract…still constantly checking email.

Unfortunately, I still have to put myself out there on the dating scene. But I actually think I learned a few things about dating from this interview process!

  1. It’s important to be yourself because, otherwise, it’s not the right job. You both have to be honest to make a good fit.
  2. It’s okay to say “no” if it’s not the right one for you and no one will get hurt. The sooner you say “no,” the better so they can move to the next one.
  3. You will absolutely feel it in your gut when it’s the right one.

Fingers crossed that the contract arrives soon so I can stop checking my email.

Morning Pages

Morning pages was introduced to me by my friend and fellow blogger Dana Holt but the original idea came from Julia Cameron. Dana loves it! Here’s how it works.

  1. Wake up (or, rather, open your eyes).
  2. Grab a pad of paper strategically placed by your bed.
  3. Pick up the pen also placed for convenience.
  4. Start writing.
  5. Write three pages of stream of consciousness before you do anything else (including waking up all the way).

I decided to try this and see what happens. It’s supposed to unlock your creativity, get all your negativity out on paper first thing in the morning, clear your mind and work out issues you may not even know existed. It’s not about writing well. It’s simply about clearing your head.

The first morning I didn’t wake up and really start writing until I got to the end of the third page. And then it was over. And I wanted to keep writing, but I had to get in the shower to go to work.

The next day, I woke up a little more quickly, but, again, don’t feel like I really got going until the third page. Regardless, it felt good. It’s always nice to write.

I skipped a few days. Okay, I skipped four days. Then finally got myself up and did it again this morning. This time it was the top of the third page when I felt like I got going, and it felt really good because the first two pages were actually painful to write.

I need to make this a habit because it does make me feel more alert and ready for the day. The problem is, I am soooo bad at getting up in the morning.

Speaking of getting up, the explanation I read of morning pages was that it would take 15 minutes. Not for me. Maybe I’m a slow writer, but it takes me about 25 minutes to write three pages.

My time did improve so maybe it’s like running, and I’ll get faster. It took me 30 minutes on the first day. I know, not much of an improvement but I’ll take it.

I’m curious to see what I think about it after I’ve done it longer.

I’ll let you know.

If I manage to get myself out of bed early enough and often enough to actually see benefits from it.

If you want to look this up for yourself and see what others think, simply google “morning pages.” It’s pretty popular, and people have very different things to say about it. Some love it and have seen benefits in their business and lives; others think it’s a waste of time. Here’s an article about it in Inc. online magazine.

Or you can simply try it yourself! If you do, let me know what you think.

 

Plants Eatery: A Review

Yesterday I had the chance to catch up with a friend for lunch, and we met up at Plants Eatery, a vegan restaurant near the Da’an MRT station.

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This place is adorable and all about clean, healthy eating as the name implies. We were immediately seated at a tiny wooden table, brought water, and given a menu. The wait staff did speak English and were very attentive.

Liesl and I ordered the same drink, Bunny Loves Your Eyes. It had turmeric, ginger, rosemary, carrot, pineapple, banana, lemon and activated cashew milk. The drink was served with a metal straw for environmental purposes. I loved that they lived their talk down to the smallest details! The drink was delicious, kind a sweet and tangy carrot juice. We loved it!

 

For lunch, we ordered different salads. I got the seaweed salad with heirloom lettuce, mixed seaweed, carrots, cucumbers, activated raw caramelized seeds, onions and green onions. It was served with a maple apple cider vinaigrette. Since I love seaweed, I was curious about this salad. It did not disappoint! It was tangy and sweet with a very strong seaweed flavor so only order it if you like seaweed. I would go back and order the same thing again.

Liesl ordered the quinoa salad which had quinoa, pears, cucumbers, baby salad greens, sprouts, and housemade pineapple vinaigrette. I didn’t taste it, but Liesl ate every bite so I can only assume it was good! Both were beautifully plated as you can see below.

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I love a pretty plate!

The prices were higher than eating on the street but very reasonable for the fresh ingredients and good food. They had a big letters on the wall that spelled out “Count Nutrients Not Calories.” I’d recommend it to anyone looking for a healthy meal with timely, professional service in a spotless environment. I was impressed with the food, the service, and the general atmosphere of the place.

It was a lovely lunch!

 

 

40-Day Blog Challenge

My friend Sarah mentioned that she was doing a 40-day blog challenge. I liked the idea and said I’d do it with her. Today is the last day – happy dance! Not that the experience hasn’t been wonderful, but TODAY IS THE LAST DAY! Yay!

Now, if I have a bad day or don’t feel well, I don’t have to feel guilty that I didn’t post. Whew. I did miss two days out of the 40 days: one for internet disruption and one for being sick. I think that’s pretty good. But I am happy to take a little break.

The first few days of the challenge were fun and easy once I pushed “publish.”

Then came the real work.

I had to pay attention every day to things I did and what I thought about the things I did or the things people said or what I was watching on television or what I was reading because I needed something to write about! AND I needed to post my opinions and thoughts for other people to read about and possibly judge.

Gasp and panic.

I found the last few days especially hard as I find I’m a little tired of my own thoughts and imagine my three or four readers are as well.

But the magical thing about all of this is that I found out that it doesn’t matter what other people think. I mean, it does. It means a lot if people like my posts, and I love when people connect to what I say.

However.

I had to let go of the idea that each post had to be perfect or I would never post anything. And I had to let go of the idea that everyone had to agree with me or think I’m brilliant because, well, I would never post anything. And I had to post to do this challenge.

This challenge helped me push through my fear of putting my thoughts and opinions and feelings out there – my sometimes imperfectly or awkwardly stated thoughts and opinions and feelings. It also made me examine my world each day in ways that I wouldn’t have otherwise done, and I found myself more thoughtful about my choices.

So I would challenge you to try to write for 40 days. It doesn’t have to be public but write for 40 days straight about your day, your thoughts, your ideas. When you have to write something new every day, I think what comes out is more honest. There’s no time to prevaricate or come up with a different way of stating something or reconsidering an idea.

Hold yourself accountable to write every day by telling a friend or your mom or by posting your writing online.

You may surprise yourself as I did with what comes out. By being forced to pay closer attention to your world, you look at things a little differently. And, even if no one reads it, you will benefit from the analysis and you’ll have an interesting record of at least a month of your life.

Just do it! You can thank me later.

 

Recognizing Superman

Man of Steel is on television. It’s at the beginning when he first gets back to The Daily Planet. He picks up a book by Lois Lane and there’s a picture of Superman on the cover. So he’s staring at a picture of himself minus the glasses, and I think, “This is so stupid. Why do they do this and expect people to believe that no one recognized Clark Kent as Superman? It’s so annoying.”

Then I think about it for a minute and realize it’s not actually that far-fetched. We do it all the time. People see what they want to see, what they expect to see. They don’t look at Clark Kent in all his clumsy nerdiness and see a superhero; they see a clumsy nerd.

People aren’t as complex as we’d all like to believe ourselves to be. Once we put someone in a box, it’s hard to get them out of that box. Think of the cheerleader in high school or the valedictorian.

Or we could look at…Donald Trump.

I despise Donald Trump. In my mind, he’s a greedy, egotistical, racist, homophobic, superficial, self-aggrandizing, whiny, incompetent, uneducated, womanizing jerk whom I am ashamed is our president. Unless someone pulls out some major evidence to the contrary, that’s his box. I want him out of office as soon as possible.

To the people who elected and still support him, he’s a patriotic, brilliant businessman and family man who supports women’s rights (how?) and is supposedly pro-life although who could tell since he constantly flip-flops on all of his issues. My opinion kind of got in the way there, but you get what I’m saying. His supporters think he’s a wonderful president who puts country first (I’d laugh if it weren’t so ridiculous when he’s made millions in his first few months in office.).

My point, though, is not that he’s a bad man and everyone should agree with me, but that none of us can change the other’s minds although to each of us it should be obvious which Trump to see. We’re looking at the same person – but we aren’t seeing the same thing.

To a small degree, we are all Clark Kenting our way through life and only those who love us recognize Superman (or Superwoman).