I didn’t post a blog yesterday as I was not feeling well. I’ve had multiple colds this year, and this one has knocked me flat. I’ve been grateful to be able to sleep a lot yesterday and today.
I’ve also started interviewing for jobs next year. Interviewing is stressful and a test of trusting your intuition. Since the contracts with most of these schools is for two years, it’s especially important. Of course, there’s also the disappointment of not hearing from a school that you’re really excited about.
Right now, I feel so terrible that I don’t feel like I can trust anything. I just want to sleep and sleep and blow my nose and sleep.
With my current life changes, I keep thinking about who I want to be and how to get there. I watched Eat Pray Love for the first time last night. I read the book years ago when it first came out, but I’d never seen the movie.
I liked it. I liked the book better, of course, and now want to reread it, but the movie was good…until the end. The end felt like the message of the entire search for peace, search for self, concluded in the idea that she wasn’t whole without a man by her side. This is especially interesting now, however many years later, when her marriage to the man she wound up with is over and she is in a relationship with a woman.
I have no issues with lesbianism. My brother is gay. I have no issues with divorce if you’ve given it your best shot. I think love is love, and I think good relationships do make life richer. Having someone to share life’s joys and pain is nice.
But I hate that the movie ended with her riding a boat into the sunset with a man as if that were what her journey was all about.
If you follow Elizabeth Gilbert in real life as I do – both on Facebook and Instagram – her messages never talk about finding a man or a woman to complete yourself. It’s all about self-love, self-care, respect for yourself and the creative process, and helping others. It’s not about how to find a man.
Being single myself for most of my life, I know you don’t need a man to complete you. I am navigating life just fine alone. But that’s actually not my point; my point is that I am trying to do what she did in her book. I’m trying to find the right path, the meaning in my life, the real me. I’ve definitely figured a few things out over the past few years (finally admitted them to myself, if I’m honest), but now I have to make sure I am continuing in that direction and not getting distracted along the way.
And, although I’d love to find a partner, I don’t want that to be my end goal. Is that okay? Does that make me crazy? It’s just that, we can’t control other people’s feelings or predict what will happen. I can’t make finding a partner my priority or having a partner the end goal because I’m afraid I’ll settle or lose that person. I want to make sure I follow my path and, if I meet the right person along the way and they fit into my life, then it’s a bonus.
The bottom line is – we are all alone in life. Even if we are married or in a relationship, we alone are responsible for our lives and our own happiness and fulfillment. We cannot look to another person for that so, if we aren’t complete on our own, finding a partner isn’t going to change that or make us any happier. Make YOU a priority and the rest will work out.
So – eat, pray, love – do whatever it takes to find your own path. Embrace and learn from the people you meet along the way. And you will have the life you were meant to lead.