Wednesday the internet in my apartment was out so I got a day behind in posting my 40-day of blogs. I was going to be a slacker and not write one, but it felt like cheating so I wrote and posted it the next day. So, now, I will be one day ahead on blogs. I suppose that’s a good thing, but it makes it almost too easy to slack off and not write one.
Procrastination used to be a hobby of mine. I put everything off until the very last minute; it was too stressful for me to do it early. Now that doesn’t make sense to me. It’s so much easier to get things finished and out of the way as soon as possible.
Sometimes I feel like I’m a completely different person than I was growing up. My core is still there, but the way I approach life is completely different.
I was a bookworm.
I could literally sit and read three books in one day. I would get annoyed if people disturbed me, and I couldn’t understand why everyone didn’t have the same desire. Now I can barely focus long enough to read for an hour or two. I miss being able to lose myself in a book, and I hope that comes back when I eventually settle down again.
I was a dreamer, not a doer.
This one I still struggle with due to lack of confidence, but I now try to face my fears and self-doubt head on and throw myself out there. That’s part of the 40-day challenge, putting my writing and thoughts out there with no fear of judgement.
I avoided people.
I’m still not an extrovert, but I enjoy meeting new people and will talk to strangers when I’m out alone. If I spend too much time alone now, I get restless and need to go out and take a walk just to be around people. I find people interesting now the way I found books interesting when I was younger.
I was always late.
Time got away from me constantly. I had trouble getting up when the alarm went off. I would be reading and lose track of time and be late meeting people. I wouldn’t want to go somewhere so I would wait until the last minute to get ready. It was embarrassing, but I couldn’t seem to control it. Now I try to be early – and I usually succeed.
I slept easily at night.
Sleeping came easy, and I slept late whenever possible. Now I have trouble sleeping at all. I do still have trouble getting up in the morning, but it’s because I’m so tired. On weekends, though, I’m up early because I can’t sleep in. Insomnia is awful. I miss the days of falling easily asleep and staying asleep all night and sleeping until noon on the weekends.
Some of these changes are positive. Some are simply changes. And some I hope I can change back at some point. But it’s funny how life affects us.
The thing is, though, the items listed above are just the surface changes.
Life has caused growth and change at a deeper level and these changes are all good. I can love deeper – oh, dear, I think I’m about to quote the lyrics to “Live Like You Were Dying” – but I kind of feel that way. I am living more like I’m dying maybe because I have had more experience with death, and I see time moving by so quickly.
Maybe that’s what causes the changes. Seeing the end draw closer. As time runs out, there’s an urgency to getting things done.
A few years ago, I asked a friend of mine what she would regret not doing if she were to die tomorrow. She said, “Nothing.” I didn’t feel that way. And I knew I needed to make sure I accomplished certain things in my life so I could answer “nothing” when my time came.
What would you regret not doing if death stalked you tomorrow?